


five times semi loved a pole and the time the pole loved him

by orphan_account



Series: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack Fic, Multi, half the characters get killed off, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:53:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6350632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Semi kills some people by accident and goshiki eats a cow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	five times semi loved a pole and the time the pole loved him

Semi’s Pov.

Oh no. I am in the love with a pole. What the fuck will I do? I am so scared. But I am also in love.

I look over at the pole. It is beautiful. I start to blush™. It doesn't notice me. It is talking to tendou - that son of a bitch. I'm going to fucking murder tendou tonight. I don't care if he is my friend. He must die.

Shittybooboo catches me staring at the pole. Fuck. 

“Heloo semi-shitty-SENPAI.” Shirabu- I mean sittybooboo says.

“The fuck did you just say about me ya little bitch?” I snarl, an angry shittiness of volleyballs start bouncing behind me.

“Languhge!!” He screames, eating an ice cream.

“...” I say

“How come you don't give me ice cream?” I ask, eating his ice cream.

“??? U wot m8??”

Then I stabbed Shirabu and he died. Oops.

The pole looks over at me an gaps. Oh shitty shit fick™. He waddles over to me and tendou melts into soup. I guess I dint have to kill him anymore.

“Why did shirabubububububububububububuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu spill his ice cream?” It say in daispoint.

I shrug. “Idkkkkkkkkkkkk” I wink, beginning to cry.

“Why you cry?”

“Bc. I didn't get much ice cream”

“Aww.” He say, stroking my face.

I full out blush and start screming, he just winks evil at me.

 

10 year later

Pole pov.

I'm standing alone in a cemetery. Rip tendou. Rip shiraboobyu. They will not be missed. 

I forced the fbi to hold a funeral ten years later because I COUKD not be bothered going to a funeral until ten years later. I'm older now. And my crushhhhhhh has got a job. As a pole dancer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). He dances in me. **on me. But he has no idea who I am. It's kind of like and undercover au. Because I have a moustache and he wears tendou cosplay because he killed tendou. The police shan't know of what happened that time… I hate the dark. And volleyball. And denied gifts. Like, this one time I gave goshiki a cow and he just fucking ate it?? Like, who the fuck eats a cow?? Disgusting.

 

Random switch to goshiki’s pov bc ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

How daRe he? I'm gonna cry. Of course I rated the met . It was good meat 10/10000000 . And yummy yummy in megalovania. But anyway idk why I'm at this funeral. Someone invited me and he has cool hair so I was like thankies pleases ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and off I went. I don't get the dress code. Everyone is cosplaying as I de cream. I'm Spock from star trifle. One time when I was seven I ate a cake and it tasted nice so now my favourite food was cake. At the funeral we had cake to cekbreate senpai #5 and senpai #10 death and senpai #3 killing. Good job senpai #3 . Ya did well. Hadid well kiss do.

 

Shingybubbke pov.

I'm not dad. **dead. Ok that was a lie I am dead. Me n tendou are playing volleyball in hell. We're in hell bc we sinned a lot. Sorry mom. 

 

Eita’s pov.

My pov indication now starts with my given name. Mom must be proud. But I am sad mom, for I have sinned a dreaned. I am at the funeral of the people I have killed. But ok ok, it was worth it. I got free ice cream for ten year. It was nice an now I work a s a stripper. I pretend not to know my pole is pole but it is and I know and ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). 

Ouch. The re is a poun in meh chest.

Everyone thinfus turned to darkeness..l………

I week up in hopital. Well it's not hopital but there's a pole and some soup and a half eaten cow with a sad looking goshiki next to it. The cow it's going to attract them flies. Bad gochiken.

“W ow I'm so glad ur alibe” pole semlls 

“I g uses ya could say I love live!!” I complete the Lenny face ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and everyone is confused until kenma showed up.

“Hi I hear you talk about a game I liek I know you kill ppl but can we be friens pls?” He ask. He cute. But he has the bf and I can see the bf spying on me in s tree.

“N o” I say. The boy cry. “Sorry,” I say. He keep crying.

“Ya fucking asshole” he screams. And at that moment I realise he was crying over love live and not me. Rude son of a prett bitch.

I sneeze and he look up.

“Bless” and then he flew away bc some owl stole him…. And took him to a cat…. Maybe we should help him… Rip game boy…??

“Ur cheating on me…” Pole gasp

“Why are you dating a pole and not mwah??” Soup ask

“Tendou??” I fangirl. My second true love.

“Hai!.” He say. He is v Japanese for a Japanese guy.

He starts screaming and then I see that goshiki is eating him.

“IM SORRY I GOT HUNGRY!!!! USHIWAKA SAID I WPULDNT VE ABLE TO EAT TENDOU AND I WANTED TO ORIVE HIM WRING”

ushijima appears and you can hear Oikawa screaming in the distance while playing the X-files theme. DU DU DU DU DU DI…. DU DU… DU DU DU DU DU XUUUUUUUU. I love that song.

“Tsutomo…” He whispers, his eyes Turing Animu.

“Cow…” Goshiki say looking at his half dead cow

“N O I TRY BE ROMANTIC AND THIS IS HIS YOU REPAY ME?? Bye.”

Goshiki starts crying and continues to eat his cow… That cow must be over 15 years old…. Goshiki wtf ??

I look over at pole and it shrugs

“Well” I choke on my own blood and smile

The gamer kid came back. Apperently some grey haired by called kev was stroking his fcae. I want to stroke his face. His face looks soft. I stroke his face and he hisses and jumps into a corner.

“You made me loose my game” he hisses, look sad

This creep AF guy with cool hair who is ORETTY sexy in my opionion walks in. He looks nice. I must touch his hair. 

“Wtf did you Eagles/swans do to kenma???” He screeches n oics up ‘kenma’

Kenma screams at well and so does goshiki…. I'm still trying to het over tendou's death……. Pole looks over at me sadly. I hiss at him and join the cats. And then I get a cool uniform which doesn't suit me that much but then tendou gets alive and gets one bc his hair is read in the unifrom is red so he can come alive.

I smeiile and kiss tendou and he gasp. Pole faints and starts to cry and I am glad. I never liked that son of a bitch anyway. I hope he is dead soon. Fucking imposter I belong with tendou not you ya lil shit and shirabitch is dead so fuck that cute annoying brat. 

Kuroo covers his and kenma's eyes and I don't know how I know kuroo's name but I just do bc I have cool hair. Me n tnedou make out and kuroo does the Lenny face ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) at Kenma and Kenma say “you wish” and kuroo is v sad until Kenma kiss him and they are very happy bc kuroken is (▰˘◡˘▰) and everyone awws. Reon has to remove goshiki from the situation because a) the cow is fucking unromantic and b) he is a smol child and shall not know of such sin.

It was all happy and sweet until a giant leg came in and his name was Kev. Like, his name was actually lev but everyone was Mena and called him Kev even though Kev doesn't sound like lev if you pronounce it right. *lev* was escorted by REON who become the offical get the fuck out of kenma and kuroo’s romantic time officer. REON shit the door and kenma and kuroo continued being cute.

Me n tendou KEFT bc we didn't wanna ruin da momentum and we didn't know who the FUCK they were but I was sad bc I didn't get to touch kuroo's hair…. I notice a starch on my arm and gasp. Tendou copies and pastes my gaps. 

“WHERE YA GET THAT????” He yodels

“Cat game boiiii” I cry

He licks off the blood and returns to his true from. 

“Noooo my love!!!!!!!!” I continue crying as tendou becomes who he really is.

A lizard.

 

Pole pov.

I suck and I have died. Tis is not a semi X pole fic anymore bc I succ and I am in hell. Shirabu is in heaven bc he just is.

 

Goshiki pov.

I can't tell anyone that the cow I ate wasn't a fake cow… They might kick me out of the country… I think I have to HIRE A SAMURAI…. I hire a samurai. The samurai is so cool (like my bangs.) he likes my bangs. His name is ushijima and I feel like I've heard that name before. Nec thing you know he is aks ing for me to do a terrible thing. I don't want to do what you are doing sir. That is too ‘sinful’ for me. He looks at me like I am stupid and says “I just wanted a hug…?” I scream and cover my ears and say “blanks lab,ab back. I can't hear you” he thinks I'm cute and I'm just afraid. I call my friend ushijima and he says “hello this is ushijima speaking” I say “SENPAI #1 THERE IS THIS MEAN SAMURAI THAT I HIRED AND HE IS CALLED USHIJIMA AND HE TRIED TO HUG ME” he doesn't say anything “why did you hire a samurai?” I don't say anything “........ The cow I ate was a fake cow” “I know” “oh” “oh indeed” “my samurai is called ushijima and I am afraid” “he's my cousin” “oh” “oh indeed.” “I am now naked and afraid.” I then hear r e o n s voice in the background “TSUTOMO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES” “YRS!!! “ I say and then put of more clothes than I already had on. “I'm coming over to help you” ushijima say “ok” I say hoping for this to turn into tfios bc my samurai is probs gonna kill me “ok “ he say. (▰˘◡˘▰) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I'm gonna die.

 

Churro’ pov.

I am a churro. All alone in a little house of churro's. I see kuroo coming over here with his bf. They look happy. Oh my god they going to eat me… Isn't TAHT catabolism??? I'm dead. I start screaming and kuroo is like wtf.

 

Kuroo pov.

Why is the churro screaming inside my stomach? “Kenma help the churro is screaming in my stomach” I say “no” he say

 

Tendou pov.

I ma a listened . I didn't wasn't semi to. See me like this. Sorry Bae. I'll always love you even if I'm a lizard. Oh my god semi is crying. This is like that one time in this manga I was reading when the girl turned into a magical princess and died. Ok maybe not but yunno kinda the same thing. I hug semi but I can't bc I'm a lizard so I just lick him affectionately. I don't think he apprecirahred it. “Sorry semi bby but I told you I was a lizard I. Bed.” “There is no bed” AND THEN BOOM THERE WAS A BED HOKY SHIT I LOVES BED I WANT TO SLEEP “NIGHT SEMI” somehow I turned into a tendou while I was sleeping . Semi sleeps next to me and he is crying so then I comfort his and he is like thank .

 

Semi pov,

Tendou was tendou and I was happy. I still think about shirababy sometimes. Bc he was an ass and I hated him. I think I'm gonna propose to tendou and invite all the bitches I've killed. “Tendou wanna get married” “lmao sure semi baby” and then we get planning the wedding and it will be a good wedding I think.

 

Semi’s pov.

We plan the wedding in LIEK 5 mins bc it's a good wed. I invited shurabojbyfb, goshiki, that one churro that kUro ate, kuroo (we need SOM e sexy person at the wedding instead of lizards and dead bitches) , Kenma, I didn't invite pole bc I hate pole, and myself but I forgot to invite tendou :( , also this random guy who is the prest. We go to the wedding and I'm wearing clothes. The orest is LIEK “we ge ther here bc these sins if hitched getting them rings and kiss kiss fall in love you may now kiss kiss was in marriage fell.” And then we kiss and kuroo is wiping tears from his eyes and crying and cheering and Kenma was playing video games and goshiki was hurting some samurai bc he was scarred and then Shirabu was like “I object” we all gasp and then shirabooby waffles to the front. “Sorry, semi but I gave to tell you sonething??” “Ok?,!!!!......” “Tendou isn't actually a lizard. He's just a smol dinosaur.” I gasp and everyone is like tf bro?? I'm like ‘tendou how could you're” and TSUKKI appears and he's like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) “did some1 say dinosaur.” We all say no and goshiki’s samurai takes him outside and they have a battle but everyone dies in a tornado and goshiki is sad bc he will now have to hire more samurai. Tendou throws the flowed and Kenma catches it with his mouth. Kenma looks at his ds and is like ‘well, I guess we're next’ churro that kuroo ate is “like “SHAMMME birch you just Viet debatable” then Shirabu starts taking crap in Japanese that everyone can understand bc they are Japanese. “Stop talking the Japan. Open the English language.” He say. We all are very confused. Then I see that I am not the one getting married it's actually shirabu.

I wake up.mim gonna cry. It was all a drama?? Yes it was. I re,her a lyric from my favourite song. When I wake up im a fruit au.

I am in a fruit au.

Everyone is now fruit.


End file.
